The kind where you feel the weasel come out, see the weasel on the toilet paper, but there's no weasel in the bowl.

The kind where you feel the weasel come out, see the weasel in the bowl, but there's no weasel on the toilet paper.

You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

This weasel happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to weasel some more.

Also known as "Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Weasel". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

No explanation necessary.

The kind of weasel that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

The kind of weasel you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

The kind where you want to weasel, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

A class all on its own.

This weasel is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

This weasel occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

This weasel occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

A weasel so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

This weasel has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next seven hours is affected.

This is any weasel created in the presence of another person.

A weasel so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

Characterized by its floatability, this weasel has been known to resurface after many flushings.

A weasel which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

Now you see it, now you don't. This weasel is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

A weasel that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to weasel (i.e. during love making or a root canal) or you are nowhere near weaseling facilities.

A long skinny weasel which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

This weasel occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Weasel.

This weasel may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

An adorable collection of small weasels in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't weasel.

Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

Fear of weaseling - can be fatal!

Also known as a "Still Going" weasel.

The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

This kind of weasel is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Weasel.)

The kind of weasel that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Weasels. The shape and size of the weasel resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: a) flush and keep going, or b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

Also sometimes referred to as "The Toxic Dump". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.